A reminder to be thankful. A reminder that amongst all the pain and sadness life can still endure. Life feels more like a balancing act than it has ever done before. I am blessed that part of my job cannot be done from home allowing me to be out every day. But that job demands high quantities of physical and emotional work. Our location and my job mean I can take my children to work with me sometimes. They love it, it means they too can come outside, but it increases the workload.
I am able to have my children at home; the older children help to care for the younger ones, and we all manage together. But it means we spend all the time together and nobody gets a break. The older children find the younger ones draining and battles ensue regularly. Its difficult to maintain peace in the home. Not to mention keeping them going with the home schooling.
How do we do it all? Work, home school, feed everyone, maintain a house and keep everyone sane and happy? How do we fit all of that in to twenty-four hours? It took me a long time to realise the answer to those questions. You can’t. Its not possible. I cannot do it all. I am but one person and all the jobs I need to do can only be done by two or even three people. Not by one. It is impossible for one person to maintain all that needs done every day. But I am the type of person who doesn’t accept defeat easily.
But what I have learned is not ok, is to make myself feel bad for my failings. Its impossible to do all I need to do. You can’t work full time, more than full time in my case, and home school and do everything else a parent needs to do. I didn’t sign up for home schooling. So, its ok that I don’t like it. I don’t have to enjoy maths. I don’t need to know what an oxymoron is. That’s what google is for. I can come to the end of a long day and realise I still have some blood on my face from lambing earlier in the day and I have just been into Tesco. That I sat down with a glass of wine before getting in the shower. All of that is ok too.I learned the slow way that all that matters is that I tried. I tried my hardest to do these things and it didn’t work out, so I sat down. I didn’t cry or shout at myself for not finishing the job. I just needed to be kind to myself. Human nature doesn’t allow us naturally to be kind to ourselves, well it doesn’t for me anyway. So, I had to work hard at being kind to me. Ignore the keyboard warriors and those who try hard to put you down. You are doing your best, that is all you can ask.
So, as I sit here with the scent of the honeysuckle filling the air and the beauty in the greenness all around me, it’s easy to see it’s all about kindness. God gave us this world to live in. He sent us his son to show us how to live. He gave us the path; he just asks for us to follow it. Its easy to see that right now, as I feel an abundance of patience falling upon me. I feel like a could rock the world, but I know all too well that there will be no world rocking when I go back inside.
So just remember, that’s our job for this week. Be kind. Not just to others but to ourselves too. Look around you for the life in God’s creation and let him remind you that He’s still there, weathering the storm with us. He’s only a prayer away.
Sarah Reid, Children's and families worker
Banchory East Church
A journal of the life of the East Church through the personal memories and opinions of our members.
We post on Tuesday and Thursdays. but not always every week.